I got sick this morning
I think it’s because I was being very rebellious yesterday.
I didn’t go to church and instead went to a volunteer meeting that i’m not even interested in…
I want my mind to be clear on what I want but I realize instead of picking and choosing on small life decisions it’s best just to obey God.
There are many verses I was given yesterday on the topic.
I’m glad I got sick because it forced my to clean up my spirit, my rationality, and my conscious. But also my bathroom and bedroom.
I am more worried about the health of others around me and the affects of my actions. I hope to be a cleaner person and stop making rash decisions to do things that have no purpose;
Although I helped volunteer supervisors by giving them a list of artists to contact, their deadline was 2 days away and they don’t have time to find anyone anymore although they asked me. They didn’t seem to really appreciate it as much as I had anticipated. Nothing came out of it.
Although I applied to internships last month, none replied. The volunteer jobs that I did get were things other people could do, and although they are now on my resume, they wasted precious time I could have used on more important things; outside of myself of course. The little freedom to choose and the little socialization i got out of the experience is nothing in comparison to the realization i now have, which is to obey.
I can’t do anything/everything on my own. The people who think they can may be happy for a while, or stressed thinking their happiness depends on themselves, and the values they think are important. In the end it’s a vicious cycle of human misunderstanding about the meaning of life.
Now I will just continue studying the bible, doing good deeds, and learning languages. I will stop the ‘seeing is wanting’ practice and stop looking for things that I know I don’t really want. I will put others first, and strive to study more and give more when I can.
I will quit the things that lead no where. Once I obey, then I can think about where to go next.